“My Ruminations”- From the Death Bound

There are 10 days left when I sit down to write this. Here I am sitting in a melancholy mood, waiting for the final call from Him – The Maker, or so he is called. I have never seen him though. There is but an earnest desire to do so.

It has not been a very long journey for me, but I should say it was a very eventful one, since at the age of 18 itself I was diagnosed by the doctors to have an incurable form of blood cancer. Frightful, isn’t it? Yes, even I felt the same way in the beginning. I was still in school and wanted to do all the great things in life, make my parents proud and all the usual things. But now I had only 3 months left.

Soon I realized that I must experience a whole life within these 3 months. I have been doing so since then. I have been around the world almost, since my parents could afford it. What an irony, all their money was not sufficient to save the life of their only child!

What I saw around the world was not very encouraging, infact very grim. Very few people in the world could gage the worth of this human life they have received, the worth of the beautiful nature, the beautiful world around them. They couldn’t appreciate the greatness and vastness of the world that He has created.

So beautiful, so pristine the nature was with all the trees, the oceans and the birds, and man with his never satiating urge for development was wasting them all. Even if I ignored what he did to the surroundings, there were still the atrocities that he meted towards his fellow brothers. Amongst all creatures, it appeared that human life was the least valued, it could be put at stake or taken away for something as inconsequential as Oil! A human life which even with all his power, all the money in the world he cannot save or restore.

Can somebody grant me with his power the several years of my life, the several dreams I had for it? Ask a person like myself how important and how great a gift this human life is. I want to give out all my love, all my care to the people around me, my family, my friends and anybody who comes across even a stranger. Then how can somebody kill his own brother in his full senses?

I think I have grown up in these 3 months, much more than I did in the 18 years preceding it. I have developed from a carefree 18 year old into a solemn individual lost in his thoughts. If the Lord grants me a few more years in this life, I could have tried to improve this world, at least I would have tried to my utmost potential.

But, alas death waits for no one and nothing. Maybe the Lord has a meaning in all this, as my elders always tell me. My time to go has come and so shall come the time for a lot of other people. But, how long will we condemn innocent lives to death?

I shall be forgotten soon and so shall my life, but I hope that my message is never forgotten. I might not be here to see you read, understand and maybe appreciate this piece. So Goodbye ………..

- 18^th June, 2003
Calcutta.

Don't worry I am not dying, this is a piece I wrote way way back. Wanted to put it down here. I will try to make it less morbid from next time on.