Arizona had been nice. Although I struggled at the start, being the perfectionist I am, especially in personal relationships, I found good people and lots of admiration by the end. I am sure they will miss me when I am gone. They did tell me not to take a red car, I don’t know why I like red so much. An analysis of the car color with respect to driving tendencies will clearly tell you that drivers in a red car tend to overspeed the most. But, red is still an attractive color. I should be able to complete the journey within this day itself I believe. I don’t hope to stop for long at any place except for a quick bite here and there.

I can’t believe my luck, first I forget to burn any CD’s and then this car has no radio, looks like its going to be just me and my thoughts now, never mind I have a lot of things to think over. Things back home don’t seem to be looking too good, financial and emotional instability can be very devastating. I will have to do my best to prevent this from happening, I have started earning quite well now and I don’t think I have too many desires for myself. So it should not be much of a burden at all. And then there is this girl. I do not know why I expect that level of perfection from everyone, so what if somebody is a little callous why is that so impossible to accept? I make mistakes too, don’t I? Well not so often I would say. It is too much emotional turmoil in the end, feels like surfing on a tide all the time, feels good in the beginning but I am getting a bit tired too. Hey damned truck, bloody insane drivers, don’t have the sense to turn on their indicators for a turn!! Well anyway, I think I get really too cynical at times, maybe things will get better with time. That is one thing I don’t have, there is so much to do, now this research deadline that I have is another thing I have to think about. Life has become quite rudderless. I do get scared when I start to lose control. What about all the girls that came so close to liking me, but I kept everyone at a very safe distance. I don’t want to hurt anyone and the distance is best for everyone. Sometimes I think if relationships are any different. Are they too different for other people? Is there a stage when boredom sets in? Well there have always been those select few who have pulled me out of every muddle, I am thankful to God for these angels of His!

Sixty percent of America looks so barren, India was so different. India is always throbbing with life at every corner. Humans, stray animals, villagers. During my extensive travel in India, I don’t remember an instant when I didn’t see any life form. But here I haven’t seen anything for the past couple of hours, maybe it’s the route but there are no food exits either. All I can see is flat lands not even an interesting terrain, just plains all round. Every fifteen minutes I see a car passing by. Feels like I am driving in some alien land and these cars are the only life forms left with nothing inside them.

Its ok things will be fine, this is only a phase, I am just upset and so I am philosophizing too much. Life is meant to be simple, didn’t some great guy say that the simplest solutions are the best. There is surely an easy answer to all the crazy happenings in one’s life. God creates a pattern out of everyone’s life and ignorant as we are, we are unable to see it until very late in life, maybe not in this life. I am sure with a keen sense as mine, I will be able to gage the pattern pretty soon, I can already feel like I am cracking the codes. I hope people like me, and especially my work at this new place. It is in Texas, even if there has been no pattern in my life, I can see the pattern in the kind of places I have lived in. Hot and Humid! Anyway I think I am only a couple of hours away from the destination, oh hell I missed the exit ……

Reggie: “I am glad you are taking over this ward. I thought I was going crazy looking at these terminal cases. There is not a single one that even says a word. Now look at this one, he has been here since on his 22^nd birthday his car hit a kerb on Highway 49 and overturned. Since, then all he does is roam about the building, steering wheel in hand, with which he was found in the rubble by the paramedics.”